The Pessimistic Optimist And A United Nations’ Opportunity
Pessimism almost made me lose the chance to impart lives!
Applying to opportunities, for me, has always been a struggle between confidence and lethargy. Unfortunately, I let the latter win most of the time. What makes my struggle with applications even further interesting is its compartmentalization. For freelance jobs, I always found (at least when I was an active freelance writer) the courage to apply regardless of how I felt. The lethargy was often overcomeable. But for academic or competition based positions, the inertia mostly finds a way to dominate.
The more I fight it, the more negative scenarios such as getting rejected or coming last at the competition run through my mind, making me succumb to torpor in the long run.
So when my friend, Tobi, told me about the United Nations Academic Impact and Millennium Campus Network Fellowship, I immediately shrugged off the idea. I wasn’t enthused because of two reasons.
First, it was an international fellowship attracting students from the best global institutions, including Harvard and the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. Furthermore, the application process seemed lengthy. This alone exhausted me already. My friend pressed on, though, convincing me about the potential global opportunities that come with being a millennium fellow.
Given my nature as a pessimistic optimist, I was not entirely convinced, but I started the application process regardless. Because I know Tobi. He was never going to shut up about the opportunity until we both applied.
The application process demanded that we write about a Sustainable Development Goal, which we wanted to advance. But besides the knowledge of Sustainable Development Goals (SDGs) gained in high school, I didn’t know jack about them. I didn’t give a rat ass either. So when I was to write about an SDG, which I was passionate about, my brain neurons jilted me. But I wasn’t going to disgrace the Ajayi household. And so, I researched and wrote about climate action (SDG 13), which was coincidentally trendy at the time.
There was a gap between the first and second application phase, with the latter starting in March 2020. And to God’s honest, I thought I wouldn’t make it to the second round. Just like a boyfriend who never cared about a relationship, I had moved on.
Yet, I received a notification in March about my advancement to the next round. “Not bad,” I said, trying so hard not to be impressed. “Don’t get overexcited yet. You might not make it to the shortlist. So calm down.” My inner critic echoed in my head, trying to suppress any feeling of optimism.
The second round was more lengthy than the first. I had to write an essay, write about the goals and KPIs for my project, and get a recommendation, among others. To make matters more complicated, I had to change from SDG 13 to SDG 9 (industrial innovation and infrastructure), creating a project centered around building a thriving, tech-enabled ecosystem in Ile-Ife. These zapped my energy till I almost gave up. But even though I’m pessimistic at expectations, I knew I had invested too much to give up.
Then COVID-19 took the world by the storm.
The aftermath of this was an unexpected third stage where applicants had to amend their projects to adjust to the new reality. I didn’t take this stage seriously as I was busy with more pressing matters. I was also tired of the lengthy application process. So I filled the new form haphazardly. “I can’t come and die,” I said in a soothing but nonchalant tone as I clicked the submit icon.
On the cold night of July 21st, the fellowship and the drama that came with its application process had become a distant memory. I was up in the night, trying to keep up with the movies on my Netflix list. Even so, there was an unexplainable urge to check my Gmail. The attempt to ignore this urge ended in futility. Eventually, I bowed to pressure and swiped away from Netflix to open Gmail. Then I saw this:
“Wow!” I exclaimed. Every part of me went on pause while my thoughts caught up. I couldn’t believe I got selected as part of the successful 1000 people among 15,000 applicants. I spent the next hour telling my closest friends and mentors about the good news. In the months that followed, I changed my project to a career-development themed one, imparting over 1200 lives.
This is one of my submissions for the 26-day Don’t Break The Streak writing challenge going on in the Week of Saturdays writers’ community.
